Pursuing Change: Knock Until Your Knuckles Bleed
My mind seems to be determined to grapple with the subject of change. I'd like not to think about it, but I see transformation and renewal all around me. It is part of life, and it is often breathtaking to observe: the leaves changing as fall arrives; the renovation or restoration of an old, once-dilapidated house; children becoming adults; etc. So, my problem isn"t that I"m not keen on change. My struggle is that I see it in all places but myself.
By Jeff Milam
One of my most cherished distractions is self-assessment. And even though I know it is a diversion to do so, I tenaciously reflect on how little change there has been in my spiritual life throughout the years. Is this profitable? I do not believe so. But my subject here is not introspection. My focus is just how much or how little effort I have invested in personal change.
What if change required no effort? I admit, it would be reassuring to be one of the leaves on a tree. Leaves don't have to be anxious about changing. Every year it happens. The once monochrome trees of summer turn into the blazing orange, red and yellow fires of autumn. Imagine if a leaf had awareness of this. Wouldn't it be wonderful if you could know you were on an annual course to forthcoming splendor? To the leaf I enviously say, "Good for you."
I've realized recently, however, that if a person really desires to change he or she will hunt it down until they obtain it. To employ the picture of hunting in regards to change, I have to affirm that I have seldom stubbornly pursued my kill. Too often I've simply watched my prey from a distance and hoped that it would somehow come to me without chasing it down. How I've longed for the kill and, oh, how I've despaired when it doesn't happen. But what it all boils down to is that I have never gone after it. I've thought about it, prayed a couple of times very briefly about it, but then gave up after a meager show of effort.
At this point I almost certainly need to clarify something to the reader. When I use the word effort, please do not think that I am talking about doing something to merit salvation. All the effort in the world can't do that. When I use the word effort I am talking about the amount of exertion that is applied to going after God, pursuing a different kind of behavior that comes after the recognition of Christ's sacrifice for sins.
The Scriptures do not paint a very positive picture of laziness. The disappointment I've had over lack of change does not compensate for the reality that I have been spiritually idle. If we see something in ourselves that we want to see changed, we are going to have to aggressively go after God, perhaps repeatedly for a season.
There are struggles that I have had for many years that have always conquered me. But have I really ever cried out to God to help me? Did I mean it? And if I did, did I do it more than just a few times? Watchman Nee has stated that if we are going to pray about something only once or twice, then give up when we don't hear from God, it's as if we didn't pray at all. The issue is whether or not I really want God to change me, whether or not I am sincerely ready to give up my own way of doing things. For some reason, God likes persistence. Have I been persistent about this?
And He said to them, "Which of you shall have a friend, and go to him at midnight and say to him, 'Friend, lend me three loaves; 'for a friend of mine has come to me on his journey, and I have nothing to set before him'; "and he will answer from within and say, 'Do not trouble me; the door is now shut, and my children are with me in bed; I cannot rise and give to you'? "I say to you, though he will not rise and give to him because he is his friend, yet because of his persistence he will rise and give him as many as he needs." (Luke 11:5-8, NKJV, emphasis added)
Did you notice the word persistence? In older versions of the
Bible it is rendered as importunity. To be importunate is to be
without bashfulness or modesty. Yet another version translates this
word very clearly:
He may not get up and give you the bread, just because you are his
friend. But he will get up and give you as much as you need, simply
because you are not ashamed to keep on asking. (Luke 11:8,
CEV)
Jesus spoke this parable to get across a point regarding prayer. It wasn't intended to make us think of God as a cranky friend who is hesitant to assist us because it is an inconvenience to him. Nor was it meant to make us think of ourselves as those who must pester God in order to get him to help. He is our loving Father. He wants us to come to him and keep coming to him. The thrust of his message here is persistence in prayer. So even though I may have given in to temptation time and again, will I keep going to the Lord in prayer about it? Will I let the disgrace of my behavior hinder me from that? Or will I maintain asking, seeking, and knocking?
And I tell you, Ask, and it will be given you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. (Luke 11:9-10, RSV)
These verses are simply a myth unless you interpret them in the framework of the previous ones. Because I don't persevere in prayer, my experience is that I'm not given the change I ask for, I don't find the change I'm seeking, and the door of change isn't opened when I knock. Am I really supposed to incessantly ask and seek? Am I really supposed to knock and keep on knocking even when my knuckles begin to bleed? Is that what Jesus meant?
Then he spoke a parable to them, that men always ought to pray and not lose heart, saying: "There was in a certain city a judge who did not fear God nor regard man. Now there was a widow in that city; and she came to him, saying, 'Get justice for me from my adversary.' "And he would not for a while; but afterward he said within himself, 'Though I do not fear God nor regard man, yet because this widow troubles me I will avenge her, lest by her continual coming she weary me.'" Luke 18:1-5 (NKJV)
Like the parable we cited before, this one also was not given to make us see God as an indifferent referee of our troubles. It was offered so that we would see that circumstances can be altered for those who pray and don't give up. We cannot exhaust the Lord by our continual coming to him. He is not bothered by our prayers. Unlike the judge in the parable, God does consider man. So, not only has laziness and lack of determination played a part in not changing; it's very likely that a shortage of faith has figured into it as well. I have to have the persuasion, the credence, the conviction that God can turn things around! Unlike the judge, he is eager to do so.
The Lord said: Think about what that crooked judge said. Won't God protect his chosen ones who pray to him day and night? Won't he be concerned for them? He will surely hurry and help them. But when the Son of Man comes, will he find on this earth anyone with faith? (Luke 18:6-8, CEV)
The most familiar Bible passage concerning change is Romans 12:2, where it says to let God change the way you think (CEV). Do I believe that God is capable of changing me? Do I have faith that he is concerned for me and hears me when I cry to him day and night? One of the main roadblocks to believing this is my mind. Faith just doesn't get through.
The scriptures say to love the Lord with your entire mind. To me, that means that I shouldn't doubt that he can change me. It means that I can confirm my love for him by letting him infuse faith into my imagination and understanding. And what is faith in this instance? It's the essence of the change I hope for. It's the evidence of the change I cannot yet see but know is coming. There is really no other way to please God. I must have this persuasion, this credence, this conviction.
But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. (Hebrews 11:6, NKJV)
Diligently seek means to investigate, to search out, to crave, to demand. This means work is involved. It means probing into where God is and what he's doing. It means to go locate him. It means to yearn for him. It means that we require him and him alone. Doing this will yield wages. God will give himself to us. And if we have God, we can do anything. And if we can do anything, we can change.
Therefore, I will make myself like the person who persistently knocks on his neighbor's door in the middle of the night to get bread. I will not be ashamed to keep on asking. I will make myself like the widow who wears out the judge by continually demanding his help. I will have faith that he hears me. I will let God alter my thinking to where my mind is no longer an obstruction to belief. For once I will diligently seek the God of change who desires to give us what is good: namely himself. And in the company of God, I will see the impossibility of my own change turn out to be a probability.
